Welcome Heather Sobieralski, life coach for moms, as this week’s guest blogger
I was not a glowing and happy pregnant mama. I viewed pregnancy more as cruel invasion. My body was not my own and this new inhabitant was not kind to me. This is the story of how my daughter got her first nickname, “Creaturella.”
I threw up nearly everyday – morning, noon and night. I would carry a puke bag in my car on the way to and from work. I would stop at random restaurants to throw up, excuse myself from meetings at work to yak, and generally felt awful 100% of the time. I remember many mornings that my husband was showering and I would come in and throw up in the toilet, without even a glance or a verbal exchange. My puking became that normal.
Alone
To make matters worse I had several pregnant and new-mom friends who were like poster moms for glowing pregnancy and motherhood. They had maybe some “mild” nausea for a few weeks and then felt fantastic for the rest of the time. Their acne cleared up, their hair got thicker, their sex drive increased and they felt blissfully in love with their babies in the womb … just as all the books said they would. Me?? I was not enjoying this journey, not at all, not even a little bit. I was not bonding. I was not glowing. A good day for me is when I managed to get through a shower without crying as the water hit my painful boobs, and hold in a few saltines. It is hard to be happy or connected to anything when you are in survival mode.
It was a good thing I worked in a school, which gave me the summer off. Otherwise I was so sick I would have had to take a leave of absence. I spent the entire summer in the bathroom and on the couch. It was the most pathetic and unproductive time in my life (except for growing “Creaturella” inside of my invaded body of course).
When I returned to work in the fall, I was about 15 pounds thinner with ginormous boobs and bags under my eyes. I still constantly excused myself to vomit, turned inside out at the sight, smell or reference to a vegetable, and was in a foul mood 24/7. I still to this day don’t know what my co-workers must have thought … most likely that I fell into drug addition and got a boob job over the summer.
Denial
As part of my ongoing denial, I told very few people about my pregnancy until I was about 5 months along. Still, by this point it was hard to see that I had anything growing under my shirt (besides my boobs). Once I was back at work, I still couldn’t function and had to start taking these little white pills that are for patients on chemo to help with the nausea. They didn’t take it away completely, but with the correct timing of the pills combined with the right food regiment, I was starting to come back to the world. Once I did, I immediately began to feel stressed that “Creaturella” would come out with two heads and a tail from as a result of the nausea drugs!
To add insult to injury …
At about 25 weeks along, something else started to feel strange. I know that pregnancy entails all sorts of strange sensations and pressures, but this felt different – like a bowling ball between my legs. After a visit with the doctor, I was sent directly to the hospital – again. I had already been there twice in to get fluids for dehydration from all the vomiting. It was at the hospital where I was told I would be placed on strict bed rest for the duration of my pregnancy (a whole other story).
While my friends were reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting, I was reading Pregnancy Sucks, and finding great comfort in this sarcastic book from a mom who had it worse then me (she grew a third nipple). There is a dark side of pregnancy that not all women experience – or at least don’t talk about. I tried – I still try – to broach the subject, but never get many takers.
I want to know why. Why is it so hard to recognize, comfort and accept a pregnant woman who is not happy? Perhaps even worse then the physical sickness I experienced was the lack of support and understanding for my emotional state. When a woman is pregnant, people around that expecting mom get very uncomfortable if she expresses discomfort of any kind. She is “supposed” to be excited and glow with all things “mommy.”
All pregnant women do not glow!
Many moms-to-be are blissful, and I am happy for them. Their journey is just as all the books say it “should be.” They feel great, they bond with their unborn child and can’t wait to become a mother. How could you not be happy? You’re getting lots of attention, people are fussing over you, and parties are being thrown in your honor. But the thing most people don’t know is that there is very little support or celebration of mothers who are experiencing the dark side of pregnancy.
If you are having a hard time with your pregnancy or didn’t enjoy the process, it is OK! Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you are feeling or have experienced in the past. Go ahead and speak the truth. Avoid people who give you funny looks and tell you that you “should” be happy because it was the happiest time in their life. Remember that your experience is your own … let it be just that.
Was pregnancy bliss for you or was it a cruel invasion?
Speak your truth and let it go!!!
Heather Sobieralski
Debilitating “morning” sickness, two high risk pregnancies, 22 weeks of bed-rest, pre-term labor, nine months of colic, a house that smelled like vomit from a severe case of infant GERD, and no sleep for years= intense marital distress and a bad case of depression! This pregnant and rookie mama DID NOT GLOW! Heather Sobieralski, Life Coach for Moms, shares her stories of how it went all wrong for her…and what you can do to keep your mojo through all of it (no matter how bad it gets)!
Filed under: Motherhood | Tagged: Bed rest while pregnant, difficult pregnancy, Family, morning sickness, Motherhood, Parenting, pregnancy | 2 Comments »
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Guests
Lorraine
Erica
