The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms

I asked Mommys With Mojo to tell me how they keep their mojo in the face of motherhood. Here’s what they said:

1. Take time away from the kids. Every single woman I asked listed this one as ABSOLUTELY critical. You need both time to yourself and, if you have a significant other, time alone with your partner. Kids need to know that you have your own identity, and that YOUR life is as important as theirs. “But that would be selfish,” you say. NO. It’s not selfish. You can’t effectively nurture others unless you’re taking care of yourself. What do you love to do? Get massages? Play tennis? Spend a whole day lounging on the beach? Have a girl’s night out? Take a long hike? Go to a yoga workshop? Figure out what you need to feel nourished, then go do it! (Personally, my husband and daughter are dropping me off at Sonoma Mission Inn today to soak in the mineral baths and curl up with a good book, while they go to Train Town. Do I feel a wee bit guilty about being at the spa while Siena rides trains? Yes. But will it nurture me so I can be a better Mommy this week? Yes.)
2. Just because you’re a Mommy doesn’t mean you have to dress/ wear your hair/ talk like June Cleaver. Go shopping on Melrose Avenue and let the 19-year old betties hook you up with the latest trendy fashions. Get a sassy haircut from a hairdresser with Pink locks. Glam it up by letting an expert hip up your makeup. Hell, cuss if you want! (When a four letter word slips out in front of my daughter, I tell her it’s a “grown- up word.” That way she can’t call me a hypocrite for using words I’ve assigned as “bad.” I tell her that when she’s a grown-up, she can decide whether or not to use words like that, but for now, they’re not kid words). Who says you have to look, talk, and act frumpy just because you’re a Mommy? Throw in some lingerie and a little bit of cheeky, and you’ve got mojo, Mama! Which leads me to #3…
3. Plan nights out. Whether you’re in a partnered relationship or you’re a single Mom, go out! Get out of your stained sweats, primp your hair, and put on high heels (or if you’re more like me- clogs). Spend at least one evening each month when you don’t fold laundry, you’re not talking baby talk, you don’t have to listen to your teenage daughter slam the door one more time, and the only poop you’ll have to worry about is your own. It’ll remind you that you’re a grown up.
4. Have fun with your kids. If everything you do is a drag, you might as well kiss your mojo goodbye. And we all know that motherhood is full of boring, tedious details. Try to spin even the most mundane chores into wild and crazy experiences. Instead of yelling at your 5 year old to clean up his room, try turning it into a game, by grabbing two boxes for organizing and seeing which of you can fill the box with bedroom junk first. First prize for the winner is bubbles! If you have a long car ride ahead of you, SING! (My daughter’s personal favorite is Wheels On the Bus, but I’m trying to get her into Aretha- Queen of Mojo!)
5. Live with purpose. It may not feel like you have much life purpose, when you’re whole existence revolves around pumping breast milk with a creepy breast pump that makes that horrible eeeee-ahhhh, eeeeee-ahhhh sound. But breast-feeding can give you huge purpose. You are nourishing your baby to optimize the health and well-being of your child for years to come. While picking up dirty socks and carting your kids off to flute lessons may not seem meaningful, remember that you committed to bringing a kind, conscious, evolved human into this world, and because you are here, the world will be a better place. But don’t hang on my version of purpose, figure out what yours is. Write it down. Post it somewhere you can see it often.

Come back next week for 5 more ways you can be a Mommy with MoJo

Lissa Rankin is a gynecologist, a proud mama, a professional artist, author of ‘What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend‘ (St. Martin’s Press, 2010), and founder of Owning Pink, a website and a series of women’s workshops committed to empowering women to reclaim their health, their girlytude, and their mojo.

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