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Lorraine
EricaYesterday my two-year-old was given a new plastic Thomas engine. After inspecting it a while he trotted up to me and handed it over declaring “It needs a new battery”. No, it didn’t need a new battery – it didn’t take batteries. It was *shock horror* a plain, simple plastic engine that needed toddler imagination to make it work. To be fair to Bowser he probably made this particular connection because it was a Thomas engine and he is used to the Thomas train set with its cast of battery-powered engines. He does play for hours with his manual cars and trucks which can usually be found in some nasty M25-at-5pm traffic jam formation on the window sills at the end of the day. But his comment brought to the fore my personal disdain for most battery operated toys. We all know the old joke about kids preferring the cardboard box the toy came in to the toy itself. In my experience when it comes to battery-operated baby toys the box often is more interesting and more versatile than the actual toy.
When Pickle was born she was the first grandchild on both sides of the family which meant she was truly spoiled and never short of toys. And of all the toys I can honestly say the Leapfrog Leap Pad was the most dreadful. Despite being billed as the best educational toy since sliced bread suitable for 6 months to 3 years I think ours was truly played with in a short 2 month window when she was about 2 1/2. Up until this point her fingers weren’t strong enough to operate the touch pad. And she wasn’t sufficiently interested by the stories if I operated it for her – she much preferred to be read regular books.
The Leap Pad was closely followed in the ‘dire toys top 10′ by a Sesame Street flashing noise maker. I have no idea what it was called as she and I both lost interest in it about 10 minutes after unpacking it from its ridiculous entanglement of twist ties and screws. (It’s always good when a toy needs a screwdriver to get it out of the packaging). This toy was a confusion of random flashes and noises. There was no reward for pressing a certain button; it regularly spun off it’s axle and needed to be reassembled; and you couldn’t operate the squeaker because there was a plastic bar in the way. It would have been #1 on my list, but it only cost $10 whereas the Leap Pad was a far bigger waste of money.
As the batteries run out these toys prove their origins by starting to talk in demonic voices. The warning signs of their impending transformation come as they start stuttering and repeating themselves. Then their voices drop a couple of octaves shortly before they start gibbering in a demented fashion in the middle of the night.
‘Elmo Knows Your Name’ seemed like a good idea at the time. Just imagine 18-month-old Pickle’s delighted face when her Elmo doll Christmas present actually says her name! Programming Elmo was a nightmare because he wasn’t compatible with this or that operating system – it took my husband hours of effort and in hindsight we should have heeded this as a warning sign from the old fashioned toy angel and wrestled Elmo back into his box. But no, we persevered and finally Elmo was ready to rock; ready to start spewing Pickle’s name; friends’ names; favorite foods; snack, lunch and bedtimes. Elmo was a hit. She did love him, although with a nasty great battery pack in his tum he wasn’t the cuddliest of critters. Then an unfortunate combination of daylight savings time messing up his settings and batteries wearing down and suddenly Elmo morphed into Chuckie. In the middle of the night I’d be woken by Elmo demanding a snack “Elmo Loooooves Yoghurt” “Ha Ha Ha Ha Haaaaa”. As you can imagine this did not go down well with us as sleep deprived parents. It was all I could do to resist stamping on Elmo until his batteries popped out of his back.
You don’t get these problems with a set of stacking cups. I say stick with the stacking cups, keep the batteries for the baby monitor and swinging chair and avoid all battery operated toys like the plague.
Filed under: Parenting Tagged: | Baby, Baby Toys, Battery operated toys, Elmo knows your name, Family, Parenting
