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Lorraine
Erica5 ½ years and 2 kids in, I assumed that I was nearing graduation from rookie mom status to seasoned mom. But the events of the last week have proved me wrong – it’s back to basic training for this mom. Sleep issue #54 hit our house last week (and I sincerely hope by the time this post goes live it will no longer be an issue) and I’m back to floundering, leaving me wondering: will ever progress beyond the rank of rookie?
For a week now Bowser has been waking every 1 ½ – 2 hours screaming at the top of his lungs. This is easily the worst sleep problem we’ve encountered with either of the kids since we passed the first hellish 3 months where you get so little sleep you can barely distinguish night from day. But you expect these problems with infants while sleep routines are established. Over the last 2 years we’ve waded through the various sleep cycles with our baby and toddler and we’d reached a point where he was more or less settled and sleeping well 9pm – 7am. We started to glimpse a light at the end of the tunnel; a glimmer of hope that one day (albeit still in the dim and distant future) we might again be able to enjoy a Saturday morning lie in.
I can clearly see where this latest joyous development has come from – we’ve had a lot of upheaval in the last couple of weeks. First, he (closely followed by the rest of the family) had stomach flu. Thankfully all were recovered in time to spend the ½ term holiday at my parents’ house where he slept in a fairly small travel cot which made him look huge and gave him terrible bed-head. At the end of that week my hub and I were lucky enough to snatch 2 days (and nights!) away ALONE, leaving the kids with the grandparents. To round off the week he came down with yet another nondescript virus leaving him clingy, whiney and miserable and wanting mummy all the time. Yet through all this alteration to his usual routine, environment and wellbeing he actually slept quite well. Strangely the fun started once we were back home and he was reestablished in his roomy crib.
As he’d been unwell (and taking into consideration my overly-anxious parenting) I was at his bedside like a shot every time he launched into his screeching. It’s been highly frustrating and disturbing as he won’t talk; won’t tell us what’s wrong, if he wants anything or if there’s anything hurting – we thought it might be his teeth; his ears. He just stares at us blankly and when I cuddle him he makes a satisfied sigh. We’ve now come to the conclusion that there is nothing specific wrong because the crying stops abruptly when one of us enters the room. For whatever reason he’s got his sleep cycle in a tizzy he wants mommy every time he wakes – separation anxiety maybe?
Going to him and picking him up for a cuddle isn’t helping – he just cries all the more when he’s put back in bed and I’m not getting suckered into taking him into our bed. Left to it the crying eventually peters out to a very fake sounding cry, but continues for far too long. So at hub’s insistence we are not going to him any more. He’s going to have to cry it out. Obviously with my Super-Mommy Hearing I can’t sleep through it and my heart jumps into my mouth every time I’m rudely awakened by his heartbreaking wails. I’m also distressed that he’s losing so much sleep while he’s awake and crying. But I’ve got to tough it out.
Sometimes motherhood is just too hard…. Wish me luck.
Filed under: Parenting Tagged: | Baby, baby sleep issues, Crying, Emotional Issues, Family, Getting Baby to Sleep, Motherhood, new mom dilema, Parenting, Sleep
It really is one of the most common but frustrating problems as a parent. Specially the first few days of teaching your kids to sleep alone. In fact it sometimes even reaches years sometimes just to get your kids accustom on sleeping by themselves.
I am right there with you. We are going through the same thing in our house right now. We are “Feberizing”. Going in to check on him and rub his back/pat him just seems to piss him off even more and the crying escalates. In fact..I’ve been having trouble blogging about anything but sleep.
Please read up on the serious concerns about letting children ‘cry it out.’ Children are not learning to self-soothe, but rather they shut down (sleep) just to cope, as their brains can not handle attachment void.
Read: http://www.mothering.com – search for the article: The Science of Attachment: The Biological Roots of Love
also: http://www.askdrsears.com has lots of great resources on sleep
anything by Gordon Neufeld or Gabor Mate
Sleep is definitley the hardest battle to tackle with kids….of all ages for that matter. I hope you get some sleep soon…..sounds like you deserve it!!!!
I have a three day trick for sleeping issue learned from pediatrian for exact problem. It worked for both my boys magically in 3 nights.
It’s not easy but it works. When babe cries go into room. NO picking up. Lay him down. Few times if necessary. Simply stay in room. Talk sofly that you are not leaving etc. Until he falls asleep. Then leave room. Each night move closer to exit while you talk to him. By end you peek in “I’m right here” etc. The idea is to teach that you are right around the corner and you don’t need me to comfort you. You can sleep and comfort yourself and mommy is right outside.
I hope this helps. It’s exhausting but works! Good luck & hope I made sense!
I don’t have a toddler yet but we just went through rough breaks in our 7 month old’s sleeping, who was sleeping 10-11 hours a night. It was teething well in advance of the teeth. We thought he had night terrors or something. It was terrifying. He would scream for 90 minutes with us (while we were holding him). All I know for sure is little kids are mystifying, mysterious little creatures
Sounds like your baby is experiencing night terrors. Ours did the same thing. He was already sleep trained and he wasn’t sick or anything so we just figured it had to be night terrors or nightmares. The good news is that it doesn’t last long but yes, if they are screaming like that, you need to go to them. There is a difference between crying because they can’t sleep and screaming and freaking out from the moment they wake up. Eventually the phase passed and we went back to sleeping through the night.
STOP USING ‘THE CRYING IT OUT METHOD!’ It is a sad reality that ‘crying it out’ is becoming such a popular tool to ‘train’ our children. It is being perpetuated by parents who swear by it, believing their little ones have been trained to sleep on their own. If you did your research you’d know why babies stop crying and it has nothing to do with them self-soothing, but rather a survival method. Sleep deprivation is difficult for parents, but it is our responsibility to seek out resources, such as a postpartum doula, rather than paying some stranger to tell us to ignore our instincts of responding to our babies cries. When babies are left to cry, their stress hormones (cortisol) rise and if these cries go ignored they ultimately shut down (sleep), as their brains cannot deal with attachment void. 80% of the human brain develops in the first three years of life. The healthy development of children’s brains is formed by their environmental experiences. Babies thrive on a nurturing, responsive caregiver who responds to more than just their basic needs, but also their emotional and developmental needs for touch, soothing, and reassurance. At the end of the day, no one likes to sleep alone or not have their feelings acknowledged, so read up on attachment and brain development so you can make an informed choice. See: Dr.Sears, Dr.Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate, and Mothering Magazine. A short term ‘gain’ of getting yourself a few more hours of sleep equals a long term loss for the attachment relationship with your child which has been linked to social and emotional problems later in life. Parenting is tough, no question; but we chose to have our children and they deserve the best start in life allowing them to trust in the world around them and thrive to their greatest potential.