& 
Guests
Lorraine
EricaI’ve written on this subject before, but after suffering through the last couple of weeks of sleep deprivation, I feel I must investigate the topic of Super Mommy Hearing further.
My toddler has a cough. I know, it’s December – practically everyone has a cough. The poor little mite wakes periodically in the night hacking away. The first cough wakes me and I lie there on pins listening for the next one; timing them like contractions; each hack like a small knife in my chest. When it’s clear it’s not going to abate I go in to him, sit him up, give him a drink of water and pat his back, willing the cough to go away. After fifteen minutes or so I creep back to bed where my husband is asleep, snoring, oblivious. Huh? The night before the poor little lad had coughed so much he’d worked up to the cough-vomit, so my Spidey Senses were on full alert. Apparently not so for my husband. So I’m up and down 3-4 times a night on nursing duty. Sure, I could wake hub to take a turn at the comforting but it seems pointless since I would still lie awake monitoring the situation from my bed. There is no way on earth I could tune out, snuggle in and go straight back to sleep.
By night #5 I was going screwy from lack of sleep – my anxieties multiplied and magnified. For the sake of my sanity I needed a night off. Shut away in the spare bedroom with earplugs I swapped my super powers for my husband’s muffled senses and he – with bedroom doors wide open and knowing he was on call – had a taste of being mommy. Even so, I knew after a comforting session he’d return to bed and be asleep again within minutes, whereas after my turn I’m then on full alert and unable to relax enough to sleep again for hours.
If I had a more generous, kind-hearted nature I would be thankful that we weren’t both being disturbed, but I admit, I’m selfish and the fact that it’s always me losing sleep infuriates me. But it also intrigues me: Why is it possible for him yet impossible for me to sleep through the noise and distress? It could be that me and my husband are simply at different ends of the sleep spectrum. It could be that I’m a freak of nature. But I strongly suspect it’s a mommy thing – we’re tuned into that kid distress frequency and can’t tune out. Is it the same for all families? Are there dads out there as alert to their kids’ needs as the moms? Are there dads that wake before the moms? Are there any moms who didn’t get blessed with Super Mommy Hearing during childbirth? I’d honestly like to know. Do tell.
Filed under: Motherhood Tagged: | Baby, cough, Crying, Family, Motherhood, New Parents, Parenting, Sleep
I totally understand where you are coming from. My hubby wakes up in the morning without a bag or dark circle under his eye….yet, I was up all night tending to the kids. He feels bad….but, that’s hardly solice while I am running to Starbucks every hour to keep me awake. It just goes to show that women are truly super hero’s at heart.
My husband read this article in the Telegraph the other day. It’s official!
http://tinyurl.com/yjbfz5n
“Women are more likely to be disturbed by a crying baby.”
He continued: “These differing sensitivities may represent evolutionary differences that make women sensitive to sounds associated with a potential threat to their children while men are more finely tuned to disturbances posing a possible threat to the whole family.”
Women are more likely than men to find their sleep disturbed and men are more likely to be able to go back to sleep once they have been woken up, said the study.
Top ten sounds most likely to wake men:
1.Car alarm; 2.Howling wind; 3.Buzzing fly; 4.Snoring; 5.Noise from drains; 6.Crickets chirruping; 7.Sirens; 8.Clock ticking; 9.Drilling/workmen 10.Dripping tap;
Top ten sounds most likely to wake women:
1.Baby crying; 2.Dripping tap; 3.Rowdiness; 4.Snoring; 5.Buzzing fly; 6.Drilling/workmen; 7.Sirens; 8.Car alarm; 9.Howling wind; 10.Noise from drains.
Thanks Mel for the scientific back up to my theory! I’ve found that news item and posted it in the In The News section.
Oh, I so feel your pain! Yes, I too am cursed with Super Mummy Hearing. It can be infuriating but that’s the joy of motherhood apparently.
I wrote about this very subject last week-
http://cafebebe.co.uk/blog/do-you-hear-what-i-hear/
It’s a popular topic and one we all seem to struggle with. I think there was only 1 mummy who commented that her hubby has to wake HER. Interesting. I think it’s one of the maternal curses…always on alert for the worst. Good luck with catching up on your sleep!
Karin
I actually have a partial post written on this very topic! This past week has been unbearable because both kids are sick and coughing all night long. I either lay in bed tortured by their coughing and wonder what to do or I creep around the house offering comfort before going back to bed to listen to more coughing…oh yes and the sound of Hubby snoring since he doesn’t wake for any of it.
You could be me talking Marilyn! Hub snoring is not what you need when you’re trying to snatch that tiny window of opportunity to get back to sleep.
Oh I am so with you on this. I used to be able to sleep the sleep of the dead, until I had children. Then I would lie away waiting for a cry, a sniff or a movement. I am cursed with Mummy radar.
To tackle this issue MadDad used to sleep in the room with MaxiMad and subsequenly MiniMad every Friday night, so I got a full nights sleep and a lie in.
He still lets me have the lie in now.
When I was ill and in hospital the boys shared a bed with him, so he had to wake – simple!!
My children’s father could sleep through anything, but since then we’ve split and my new partner (who never had children of his own) is very sensitive to their presence in his home, and wakes up either before or at the same time as I do when they are making noise.
At the beginning Mr C would never hear and if he was kindly doing a night feed to give me a break I used to have to wake up to wake him up
he really can sleep through anything!
Occasionally he will wake me up to tell me the baby is awake (thanks!). Actually he did it this week and I wearily went downstairs to make the bottle after asking him nicely to change the baby’s nappy. I came back to find them both FAST ASLEEP! Great. He will also feed the baby then getr back in bed and go straight to sleep, I lay awake until I know he has settled and is asleep.
Usually though I do most of it because I see it as my responsibility and he has to get up and go to work everyday and I get to stay home. At the weekends he will usually do a night feed to give me a break or get up early with Piran so I can keep sleeping and wake up naturally (which makes ALL the difference, I don’t need more sleep per se, I just need to wake up when I am ready, not when someone shouts at me from the cot!)
See, now you’ve got me thinking about it, and I’m annoyed – because in 16 months my partner has never gotten up in the night!! At first it was fine, because I wasn’t working, but now I’m back writing, AND caring for our little girl, yet I’m still stuck on permanent night duty – even on the weekends. To be fair though, she rarely wakes before 7.30am, and a part of me does prefer to comfort her myself, so that I know she’s OK. Plus I seem to have this subconscious maternal reaction now, whereby I automatically leap out of bed, and get halfway into her room before I even really wake up. The other night my partner coughed, and I reacted like an Olympic sprinter off the blocks. I was in the hallway before I even woke up and realised it was a false alarm!!!
You should’ve seen my own post on the self same subject!
http://www.bringingupcharlie.co.uk/2009/12/whos-been-sleeping-in-my-bed.html
I freely admit to being deaf to the nocturnal noises. And I’m as guilty as hell about it. I need to wake up more. But do I? No. And does my wife? Yes, all the time…
I do have supermommyhearing (of course I do – as Mel says, it’s officially hardwired into us and not into anyone with a y chromosome). The thing is, I also have a secret weapon… I’m deaf in my right ear….
Conversations in our house at 4 am go something like this:
Him: “Is that a baby crying?”
Me: (rolling over onto left side so that right ear is uppermost, and covered in a layer of duvet) “I can’t hear anything, why don’t you go and check”….
Works a treat!
I am convinced it is a mom thing brought on by pregnancy hormones. Before kids, my husband used to joke that I could sleep through nuclear events… now I am up at the first cough, cry, noise, etc… and my youngest is 9, so it hasn’t gone away!
Thank you for this post. I wrote not too long ago about the same thing:
bit.ly/7KKNUE
It sounds like from the comments that other moms are going through the same thing. What I really like about your article is the feeling of frustration and irritation from this ‘super ability’. I’m so glad someone else feels this same way. I feel awful that these thoughts go through my mind, that I sit there and secretly wish that the cough/sneeze/cry will stop so I don’t have to get out of bed. And then to top it off, my husband wakes the next day telling me he so tired from having a restless sleep! HA, I’d like to try one of his restless sleeps one night
Thanks again for the post
oh i feel your pain! my hubby is deaf to all child noises, i’ve done every single night feed to all my 4children becuase he is awful at getting up in the night. Not so long ago when all my 4were ill i didn’t sleep well for 2weeks and i though i was losing my marbles. I would be greeted with ‘did you sleep well last night?’ it would take all my stregnth not to reach for the nearest pan to boink him on the head.
I do think it is a mummy thing we are more tuned into baby noises and its a good job lol! But funnily enough when i work at night he has no trouble getting up in the night and sorting them out??? selective hearing i think!! and he lways says how tired he is if he has to get up once with them???? try doing it for 4YEARS!!!
Yes as you can guess i feel the same frustration as you, but i have to just get on with it becuase i have lost count how many arguments we’ve had over it and not got anywhere. When this baby is born i will be doing all the night feeds etc but he’s getting up in the morning with the others so i can rest. (i hope) xxx