The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms

As I am trying to get my 5 year old daughter ready for kindergarten (along with juggling 10 other tasks at the same time) I decided to give my daughter the ability to decide which outfit she was going to wear. Much to my surprise and dismay, my daughter walked out of her bedroom in a dark brown polka-dot shirt, a bright pink and green floral skirt, striped leggings and a bright blue headband. At first I was speechless until my daughter broke the silence and asked me “so, do you like my outfit mommy?”. She was so happy and proud of herself for picking an outfit on her own and she honestly thought the outfit was beautiful.

One part of me wanted to march her back into her bedroom and change her outfit to something that didn’t look like it belonged in an alien fashion show…..but then I stopped, took a long breath and responded to my daughter “I think your outfit is perfect sweetie”.

What I learned that day was to really pick my battles. Sure, I could have freaked out and told my daughter to change her outfit immediately otherwise she was not attending kindergarten that day. But, acting that way would have only embarrassed her and potentially created feelings of insecurity. Instead, I put up with the other parents odd stares when I dropped her off at kindergarten and I did chuckle a bit alongside some close friends who understood what I was going through. All the while my daughter went through her day so proud of the decisions she had made on her outfit.

The moral of the story is that as a parent it’s so easy to nag, nag, and nag at our children. In fact it could be never ending if we let it. “Clean up your room”, “brush your teeth”, “turn off the TV”, etc. Therefore, as parents we battle the dilemma “where do we draw the line in the sand?” and “what battles do we fight”? I read a great article in the November edition of Today’s Parent Magazine that talked about which battles to fight and which ones to leave.

Children need to be taught boundaries and need direction….that’s how they learn. So, the rule of thumb for fighting battles is this:

• If your child is in danger (i.e. running out onto the road) then you should fight that battle.
• If your child is talking back or being disrespectful then you fight the battle.
• If your child is demanding unreasonable or expensive items then you fight that battle. Children need to understand the value of money.
• If your child refuses to clean up a very dirty mess then you fight that battle. It’s important for children to learn how to clean up after themselves.

On the other hand, children also need autonomy to learn on their own and gain confidence in their decisions. So, the rule of thumb for NOT fighting battles is this:

• Your child starts a food fight with siblings….or even you – not worth the battle. Children learn through food and sometimes having a good old fashioned food fight is ok.
• If your child has an untidy room – not worth the battle . It could be an everyday, all day battle. In this case teach your child that as long as they don’t have a “dirty” room, a little mess is ok.
• Crazy clothes clash – not worth the battle. They learn creativity and self esteem this way. Your child may look a little odd, but it won’t happen every day.
• Bedtime Battles – not worth the battle. Chances are your child simply isn’t tired. Have them read quietly in their room instead of watching TV and chances are they will eventually fall asleep.

Filed under: Motherhood Tagged: | Crying, Emotional Issues, Family, Motherhood, new mom, Parenting, relationships, rookie mom