The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms

As I headed off to take my 5 year old to soccer training last week I was eager to see my friend to congratulate her on the breakthrough she’d had with the sleeping patterns of her 9 month old. I’d spent many hours on the side-line comiserating with her over the ongoing family sleep troubles while our 5 year olds attempted to learn the finer art of ball control.

The good news of the improvement had been delivered by her husband when I’d bumped into him at the grocery store earlier in the week. “Oh, things are much better now” he said chirpily and indeed, he looked well rested and sprightly. I was surprised to see my friend shuffle wearily into the gym still sporting her dark glasses that customarily concealed her baggy, dark-circled eyes. My enthusiastic congratulations were met with a confused frown. “What improvement?” she asked, stifling a yawn. Our subsequent chat uncovered the truth of the matter: Hubby had been sleeping in the spare room with earplugs for the last week. We were able to have a laugh about it and came to the conclusion that on most matters concerning Baby, Dads are from Mars; Moms are from Venus. Let’s look at a few classic examples:

1. The Bathroom Break
- Mom holds on until she’s about to burst, then does her business in 30 seconds with Baby watching from the bouncy chair.
- Dad settles in with magazine and is MIA for 30 minutes.

2. Visiting Friends
- Mom is concious that Baby’s bedtime is approaching so suggests it’s time to get going. She gathers and packs baby paraphernalia, puts Baby in clean diaper and PJs and prepares Baby’s milk.
- Dad accepts another beer and heads off to the den to admire friend’s new technical gadget acquisition.

3. Baby’s Lunchtime
- Mom preps a healthy balanced meal of pasta, cheese and fruit 15 minutes in advance.
- Dad wonders why Baby is particularly cranky at 2:30pm, then remembers she hasn’t been fed. He quickly tries to remedy the situation by giving Baby a fistful of soda crackers.

4. Nighttime
- Mom pops up like a jack-in-the-box as Baby lets out the first wail. She springs to the aid of the crying baby and spends 20 minutes going through the getting-back-to-sleep routine. After 5 minutes back in bed she’s worried it’s too quiet and is up again checking that the baby is still breathing.
- Dad stirs and opens one eye as Mom lowers her weary body back into the bed and mumbles something useful like “What’s the matter with her?” before resuming his snoring.

5. Going Out
- Mom dresses Baby, changes her diaper when she poops 2 minutes later, changes her outfit when she spits up 3 minutes later, changes her own outfit because said spit up travelled. She sets about packing the baby bag with 2 changes of clothes, bib, soother, toys, snacks, diapers, wipes, sunhat, sunscreen, … then sits to wait for 15 minutes for Dad to be ready.
- Dad has to go back for the camera when they finally get in the car and Mom asks him if he’s got it.

Filed under: Baby, Mommy Map, Motherhood, New Parents, Parenting Tagged: | Baby, Emotional Issues, Family, infant, infant care, Mommy Map, Motherhood, new baby, new mom, New Parents, Parenting, Postpartum, rookie mom