Why showers give me the shivers

Posted on May 29, 2012 by Lorraine

I don’t like baby showers. There I’ve said it. As the co-author of a baby book (which makes an excellent baby shower gift by the way) and purveyor of all things baby shouldn’t I live for a baby shower?

Maybe. But I don’t.

I guess the main reason showers give me the shivers is that I’m a Brit. We’re starting to be invaded by the shower bug now, but up until I moved to Canada in 1999 I’d thankfully never been subjected to a shower – bridal or baby. I prefer the English tradition of visiting the new family after the baby is born. I love giving presents to my friends, especially cute baby gear or a piece of survival kit you’ve discovered that you know will make the new mom’s life that much easier, but I don’t like the expectation of giving a gift and the let’s-all-watch-while-we-open-them side of the baby shower. And then I find myself in the situation where I’ve been to the shower and given a gift but visiting the mom and new baby empty handed feels wrong, so buy another one. It seems like a ‘double your money’ scam similar to throwing an engagement party. Everyone is expected to turn up with a gift and then has to get you something else when they come to the actual wedding.

Secondly baby showers are traditionally held before the baby is born and I can’t get used to the idea of celebrating something that hasn’t happened yet. For me it’s just tempting fate – too many ‘what ifs’. Nuff said.

Thirdly I find baby showers have a high cringe factor. You always get at least one been-there-done-that guest who’s intent on sharing her birthing story blow by blow and push by push (mindless of the poor mom-to-be who’s going to have to go through it all in a month’s time and is already shitting herself anxious). It’s too late for the showeree to change her mind at this point, but what about the poor young single girl from the office who, after the gory accounts of childbirth and tales of cracked nipples, varicose veins and stress incontinence is unlikely to even consider motherhood?

To top it off we start playing silly guessing games like name the pureed baby food and what’s in the diaper? Once you’re a mom, sticking your tongue in brightly coloured mush and investigating the contents of a diaper are daily occurrences, but for a young girl yet to experience these treats of motherhood it can be quite horrific. Even if the ‘poop’ in the daper game is really Nutella, peanut butter, melted Mars bar and Chocolate Philadelphia, at this point the poor girl will likely head for the hills.

What’s worse as a young single girl than having to sit around a lot of clucking broody women and smile politely at their momecdotes? What’s worse if you’re still looking for Mr. Right, horribly aware of your biological clock ticking when not only have you had to endure the bridal showers of all your friends, now you have to endure their baby showers? What’s worse if you’re trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant than an afternoon of in-your-face baby celebrations? In fact who does enjoy a baby shower? The mom to be – because she gets showered with gifts!

Courtesy of Love and Cake

I have to admit I really didn’t want a baby shower, but MomSurvival is a very persuasive lady and a fantastic party host. We cut it down the middle and had a welcome the baby shower when Pickle was a month old. Did I enjoy it? Of course I did – an afternoon spent with dear friends and family, yummy cupcakes and gorgeous baby shower gifts – what’s not to like? ;-)

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Kiss My Face!

Posted on May 25, 2012 by Guests

Welcome the folks from Tom’s of Maine as this week’s guest bloggers

Most parents know how difficult it can be to get their kids to do things they don’t want to. Like eating vegetables, going to bed on time or doing chores. Kids will be kids and Tom’s of Maine knows this, which is why they are helping you to get your kids brushing their teeth.

Tom’s of Maine has introduced children’s fluoride-free Silly Strawberry toothpaste, one of the silliest and most delicious toothpastes your kids will ever taste! Say good-bye to nighttime battles with mint toothpaste and hello to an all-natural strawberry fruit flavor that beats any artificial bubble gum flavor or unnecessary sparks like other children’s toothpastes.

Not only is Tom’s Silly Strawberry toothpaste great for kids; it eases the mind of parents as well. Tom’s of Maine use naturally sourced, wholesome ingredients and do not believe in hiding the contents of their products, which is why they share every ingredient, its purpose and it’s source on their website.

Good things come in pairs which is why parents and kids will love Kiss my Face kids berry smart toothpaste just as much. Kiss my Face has made choosing what’s best for you kids a little easier by providing a fluoride and a fluoride-free option for the toothpaste. Kiss my Face has squeezed out the bad and left you with yummy tasting berry toothpaste – free from parabens, phthalate, SLS and gluten; not to mention there are no artificial flavors, no animal testing, and it’s vegan friendly! What more could you ask for from a toothpaste?

To match the silliness and natural berry flavor of these two toothpastes, Carry Clean has a fun and vibrant toothbrush just for kids. These suction cup based brushes have soft bristles that are gentle on your children’s gums and teeth as well as a rubber ball handle grip for ease on those little hands. They come in four colours: blue, purple, pink and green and have a great polka dot pattern that will add a smile to those bright teeth! 

Giveaway! We have Tom’s of Maine Silly Strawberry toothpaste, Kiss my Face kids berry smart toothpaste and 2 Carry Clean toothbrushes for one lucky reader to try out.

To enter simply leave a comment below telling us one of the ingredients Tom’s of Maine DO NOT allow in their products.

For bonus entries:

Be sure to leave a separate comment below for each of your bonus entries.

  • Giveaway open to Canadian residents only
  • Winner will be chosen at random 
  • Giveaway closes June 8th, 2012

At Tom’s of Maine we believe that both human beings and nature have inherent worth and deserve our respect. We believe in products that are safe, effective, and made of natural ingredients. We believe our company can be financially successful while behaving in a socially responsible and environmentally sensitive manner. From investing in clean energy to supporting communities and employees, good business is the right way to do business and the only way we know how.

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Show Your Shades

Posted on May 24, 2012 by Guests

Sunglasses are arguably the summer’s most important accessory. They’re also the only fashion accessory with proven health benefits. And while we’re concentrating on our own stylish shades it’s important to remember the importance of protecting our little ones’ eyes from the sun too. May is Vision Health Month and Shades of Fun is a one-of-a-kind, fun-filled CNIB fundraising initiative that’s all about having a good time for a great cause.

One great way you can get involved is by trying their fun new app on facebook – choose from one of 12 pairs of quirky virtual sunglasses, then ‘Show Your Shades’ on your social media feeds.

“There is an evident disconnect when it comes to preventing UV-related vision loss. Education is key to changing this.”

Did You Know?

  • UV exposure is a proven risk factor in cataracts and age-related macular degeneration (AMD), the leading cause of vision loss in Canada.
  • Half of all Canadians don’t know they should wear sunglasses in the shade, and 70 per cent don’t realize the importance of wearing sunglasses in the winter.
  • One in four people believes their eyes can only be damaged by artificial light. But even short-term exposure to UV rays can cause a painful, temporary condition called Photokeratitis (snowblindness) – essentially a sunburn of the cornea.
  • The sun’s UV rays are intensified when reflected, and glare is almost always present during daylight hours even when it is cloudy thanks to shiny surfaces like buildings, vehicles and snow.
  • 75 per cent of vision loss is preventable. By taking action today, you could save your sight tomorrow.
  • Without protection, UV rays can lead to permanent vision loss. CNIB recommends choosing sunglasses with at least 99 per cent protection from both UVA and UVB rays.
  • CNIB recommends that parents should take their child for their first eye exam between six and nine months of age.
  • Children should also have at least one eye exam between the ages of two and five, and regular yearly eye exams should take place until the child turns 19.

Why is it important that parents take their child for regular yearly eye exams until he or she turns 19? 

The prevalence of refractive error in children increases rapidly from 6 to 19 years of age. This change is primarily due to an increase in the prevalence of myopia. Data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES) in the United States showed that while 32.32% of children between the ages of 12 and 18 wore corrective lenses there was an additional 19.5% who were living with reduced vision because they didn’t have corrective lenses.

What can be diagnosed in a six to nine month old baby?

A 6 to 9 month old baby can be tested for refractive error (whether they need corrective lenses); binocular vision (how their eyes work together and their depth perception); their general eye health and if their eyes are developing normally; and their visual acuity using preferential-looking techniques. It is especially important at this early age to look for and correct risk factors that may lead to amblyopia (lazy eye).

What are some specific problems that can be identified through eye exams?

- Glaucoma: many people are unaware they have glaucoma until they have lost a significant amount of vision. This is because your peripheral vision is affected first, and you can lose quite a bit of peripheral vision without being aware of it.

- AMD: the early stage of AMD, called dry AMD, has very little vision loss associated with it. However dry AMD can develop and eventually cause significant vision loss or convert to wet AMD suddenly, which can cause vision loss quite quickly. If an eye doctor can detect the early stages of dry AMD they can monitor you more closely and take action as soon as the disease progresses. They will also make sure you are doing the most you can in terms of prevention.

- Diabetic Retinopathy: almost everyone who has had either Type 1 or Type 2 diabetes for more than 20 years will develop some form of retinopathy, damage to the retina that can lead to vision loss. It is essential for all people with diabetes to get regular eye exams so that treatment can be started as soon as possible to minimize potential vision loss.

This May, join the CNIB’s third annual Shades of Fun campaign – an event where thousands of Canadians from coast to coast raise funds throughout the month of May in celebration of Vision Health Month.

There are many ways to support Shades of Fun:

CNIB is a registered charity, passionately providing community-based support, knowledge and a national voice to ensure Canadians who are blind or partially sighted have the confidence, skills and opportunities to fully participate in life. To learn more, visit cnib.ca or call the toll-free CNIB Helpline at 1.800.563.2642.

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Oh, How They Learn When They Play

Posted on May 23, 2012 by Erica

The doorbell rings and my son runs to the door, a regular occurrence in our house….he’s a curious little guy.  The UPS man is standing at the door with a box as tall as my son.  I knew right away it was from Fisher Price and my son was chomping at the bit to see what possible treasure was hidden inside this magnificent box delivered by the uniformed man in the brown van.

Together, we opened the box to unveil the Fisher Price toys that we were sent to review and explore. We received the newest DC Super Friends Batcave, an amour wearing Imaginext Mega T-Rex Dinosaur, that has a realistic roar reminiscent of Jurassic Park and finally a Twin Eagle Sky Racer. As you can imagine my son was over-the-moon excited and his carefully laid plans of hitting me up for ice cream were long forgotten. He was staying put and playing with his new found toys.

What was really interesting was when my 8 year old daughter arrived home she had the same reaction to the toys. She dropped everything and started playing with each of the toys without any hesitation that they were considered “boy toys”.

The two of them built what they called an army base where the Batcave was the castle, the dinosaur was the defender of the castle and the Sky Racer helped to fend off the intruders to the castle. The two of them played all evening and resumed the next morning. Clearly these toys evoked their imaginations and facilitated a lot of fun for them. Creativity abounded and at one point even the family cat was considered an intruder that the dinosaur had to defend the castle against.  Kitty was not impressed with this turn of events and decided to form a hasty retreat. I did see him peeking around the corner later and I suspect he even wanted back into the action.

My son had a play date with some of his little buddies the next day and the toys were a big hit with his friends. The bright colors, interesting sounds and overall sturdiness of the toys were definitely pluses with a group of rambunctious little boys. Instead of playing “defend the castle”, they each chose a toy and had their own little story going on with it. They each played individually and not together as my son and daughter had done the day before but still had a great time.

It was really neat to sit back and watch the difference in how each little one uses their imagination and how each one plays differently depending on the day and the circumstances. I would highly recommend these three toys as they are built to stand the test of time and can take a little abuse while sparking the imagination. It is nice to see that quality is back in vogue.

Thank you to Fisher Price for providing this experience for me and my children.  It’s been really fun and I have to say that all the neighborhood kids have gotten wind of the new toys which means I will need to stock up on snacks for upcoming play dates…..and maybe hide the family cat!

In the Community:

Come check out the brand new Thomas the Train live show!  It will be touring Ontario this Spring and Summer and will feature a live 20 – minute story show with a fun music for kids to sing and dance along to.  There will also be an area where kids can interact with the brand new Thomas the Train trackmaster toys after the show.  To preview the full Thomas the Train trackmaster lineup, check out fisherprice.ca 

“Disclosure: I am part of the Fisher-Price Play Panel and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group.  The opinions on this blog are my own.”

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Help Kids organize their time with a KWID learning watch

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Guests

Welcome back the folks from KID’Sleep as this week’s guest bloggers

“Mooooommmm, how long until Daddy gets home?”

“Hurry up! We have to be there in 10 minutes”

“Only 15 minutes more to play before tidy up time”

Sound familiar? Adults use clocks and watches to organize the day. We know when preschool starts, when to make lunch and when it’s time to leave to get somewhere on time (OK, we may not always get there on time, but we know when we should leave). But for the little ones it’s hard to understand ‘how long until…’. I’ve used the length of TV programs to explain how long half an hour is! 10 minutes is roughly 2 Peppa Pigs, 20 minutes is an episode of Dora the Explorer :)

The KWID learning watch is another great product from KID’Sleep inventor Vincent Claessens. KWID is a learning watch that makes it easy for kids to learn to tell the time. In addition it has an hourglass function that helps little ones to organize their time.

We have 2 KWID learning watches to give away! To enter to win a KWID (RRP $45) in the color of your choice, simply leave a comment below telling us the name of one of the other KID’Sleep time products.

For bonus entries:

Be sure to leave a separate comment below for each of your bonus entries.

  • Giveaway open to US residents only
  • 2 winners will be chosen at random
  • Giveaway closes June 1st, 2012

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I am not a supermommy

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Lorraine

All moms are super heroes in my opinion. With super powers including the hearing of bats, the sense of smell of a bloodhound and eyes in the backs of our heads surely we can’t be mere mortals. And we must have as many arms as an octopus to successfully juggle our kids, our jobs, grocery shopping and the housekeeping. But occasionally you’ll hear about someone that goes above and beyond and puts your own day-to-day trials and tribulations into perspective.

Through Mom Central’s #KinderMom campaign I met one such mom, Heather Hamilton. She claims she is not ‘a supermommy’. I beg to differ.

In March this year Heather was selling tickets to a special screening of the ‘Being Elmo’ movie in Toronto which she was hoping would help her reach her goal of raising $25,000 for her project; her passion; her promise – ‘Zack’s Dream Room’.

In March last year, Heather and Paul Hamilton lost their 3 year old little boy, Zack, to complications arising from a congenital heart defect known as Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Drainage (TAPVD). Zack also had several other anomalies and it was discovered by his genetics team that he had a deletion of the 12th chromosome. This deletion is the first recorded case in the world, making Zack a special and unique little guy.

In turn Zack’s Mom, Heather, is a truly special and unique woman.

Since the loss of Zack she’s found inspiration in giving back to the community that supported Zack and his family during his brief, but extremely eventful life. Visits to York Central Hospital in Ontario for treatment of pneumonia were commonplace for Zack during the winter months. “Zack and I had it down to a routine; packing our food, medicines, clothes and toys then driving to our special hospital. We would often get to the 5th floor and staff from the Pediatric Urgent Care Clinic, nurses and even doctors of 5E, would see us again and come to say hi to their favourite ‘frequent flyer’.” Those nurses who cared for him each winter came up with the idea of a room in his honour at the hospital. So Heather, with the support of her family and friends, has been working relentlessly to make ‘Zack’s Dream Room’ a reality.

The latest news is that the original $25,000 goal has not only been reached, but surpassed and work on Zack’s Dream Room is underway. Heather is now concentrating on funding a second room within the pediatric unit at York Central Hospital. Funds from Zack’s Dream Room events will also be used to provide the children and parents with the comforts of home; magazines, toys, toiletries, as well as arts and crafts supplies.

“I am not a supermommy. I am a mother who was inspired by her son and even now that he is gone, I am forever changed by his impact on my life.” Says Heather.

This extremely brief summary of Heather’s dedication and determination in the face of her loss makes her, unarguably, a ‘supermommy’ in our eyes. For these reasons (and many more) Heather is The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms’ nomination for the Walmart Mom of the Year Award.

About the Walmart Mom of the Year Award

This year Walmart is launching the Mom of the Year Award to help celebrate and recognize the huge contribution moms make as role models and integral members of the family and community.  This award will become an annual program to celebrate all that Mom does and shine a light on what is important to her.

Nominations will be accepted Mother’s Day (May 13) through July 8, 2012 and can be submitted through www.momoftheyear.ca. They can come from daughters, sons, family members, friends, colleagues or community members.

Eight finalists will be selected and notified in mid-August and will be treated to an award celebration weekend in September. The Mom of the Year Award recipient will receive $10,000 for personal use and $100,000 to their cause or charity of choice. The remaining seven finalists will each receive $10,000 for personal use and $10,000 to their cause or charity of choice.

So go ahead: nominate your Mom of the Year!

Disclosure: I’m part of the Walmart program by Mom Central. I received compensation as a thank you for my participation. The opinions on this blog are my own. Mom of the Year Award: NO PURCHASE NECESSARY Internet access and valid email account required. Nominations open May 10, 2012 to July 8, 2012 for legal residents of Canada over the age of majority.  Entrants cannot nominate themselves. One (1) grand prize available to be won consisting of $10,000 cash, a $100,000 donation by Wal-mart Canada Corp. to charity/cause and a trip to Toronto (ARV $22,000). Seven (7) runner-up prizes available to be won consisting of $10,000 cash, a $10,000 donation to charity/cause and a trip to Toronto (ARV $22,000).  Charity/cause subject to verification and final approval by Wal-mart Canada Corp., at its sole discretion. Odds of winning depend on how the judging panel evaluates each entry according to the criteria. For Official Contest Rules and to nominate an entrant, visit [www.momoftheyear.ca].

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Marking an Important Milestone

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Lorraine

A first birthday. A milestone. A time for …

…excitement…

…frustration…

…discovery…

…joy…

…and all in the space of 30 seconds. No one really remembers their first birthday. No one really understands what’s going on on their first birthday. But everyone sure is making a fuss of ME. It might be his first sight of a naked flame; the first time his taste buds are tantalised by cake and sweet, sickly icing. Think of the excitement of being able to rip the paper off parcels without really giving a hoot what’s inside. Think of enjoying the cardboard box more than the gift itself. That’s what first birthdays are all about. One thing’s for sure – it’s up to the rest of the family to celebrate on Baby’s behalf and its something we usually manage pretty well.

This month it’s up to us all to help another youngster celebrate a first birthday as Disney Junior turns one! Tune in to special birthday episodes of your favourite Disney Junior shows from May 1st to May 25th from 6:00pm to 7:30pm ET. And on Saturday, May 26 get the popcorn ready for a special birthday screening of one of my all time favourite Disney movies – ‘A Bug’s Life‘ starting at 6:00pm ET.

Disney Junior are also launching other birthday surprises at www.DisneyJunior.ca

  • Your little ones can create the greatest birthday party in the Happy Birthday Party Game. Send invites to your favourite Disney Junior friends, make a cake, play party games and open presents.
  • Plan a real birthday party with Disney Junior Party Packs. Download invitations and get ideas for decorations, games and snacks in the theme of your favourite show. Palm Tree sandwiches and a slice of Captain Hook cake anyone?
  • The kiddies will enjoy both making and receiving Disney Junior e-cards. Design, decorate, colour and choose a favourite character to send your birthday wishes. Print your design or get it schedule it to arrive via email to arrive on their birthday.
Happy 1st Birthday Disney Junior!

Disclosure:  I’m part of the Disney Junior Mom program and I receive special perks as part of my affiliation with this group.  The opinions on this blog are my own.

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A Yummy Way to Stay Healthy

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Erica

When I was approached to do a review for a new product by Swiss Natural called Calcium Chocolate Fudge Brownie Soft Chews, I jumped at the chance. Not only do I love chocolate as the majority of women do, but it sounded like a great way to increase my calcium intake. I am not a big milk drinker. It’s one of my least favorite things unless it is in the form of chocolate milk (again with my chocoholic condition). As wonderful tasting as chocolate milk is, it also comes with a ton of calories. My sisters and brother drank milk like it was water and I just never could get a glass down without cringing. I truly do not have a taste for it. Even with cereal, I only put enough in to wet the flakes and I dump out any remaining milk afterwards (well, unless I am eating something like Frosted Flakes and the milk then turns into a sugary soup like mixture….yum). Overall I think my calcium intake is marginal at best. While I eat cheese occasionally and some yogurt, I don’t think that I am getting my daily recommended amount of calcium. In addition, as I get a wee bit older I am becoming more concerned that I am not getting the calcium I need to avoid future old age afflictions such as Osteoporosis.

With this in mind, I jumped at the chance to try out the Swiss Natural Calcium Chocolate Fudge Brownie Soft Chews. After the first sample, I was convinced, not only do they taste really but they are also super convenient to take! Each chew contains a natural chocolate flavor and is only 15 calories, so you don’t need to worry about your waistline. Talk about convenient, they are individually wrapped so I can throw some in the car or my purse for the days that I forget to take them with my breakfast. Not to mention they really are yummy and allow me a small chocolate fix every day without any guilt.

The daily recommended intake for calcium in adults is 1000-1200 mg/day. By taking the recommended two chews a day you will be fulfilling your daily requirement!

Benefits of the Swiss Natural Chocolate Fudge Brownie Soft Chew:

  • Maintains strong bones and healthy teeth
  • Helps to prevent vitamin D deficiency
  • Helps with Calcium Absorption
  • Helps fight Osteoporosis
  • Tastes AWESOME!

 Each of the Calcium Chews are:

  • Guaranteed fresh in a resealable bag
  • Only 15 calories per chew
  • Each calcium chew contains 600 mg of Calcium and 400 I. U. of Vitamin D3
  • Natural chocolate flavor
  • Gluten Free
  • Gelatin Free
  • Kosher

To learn more about this delicious and functional product, please visit their web page. Calcium Chocolate Fudge Brownie Soft Chew.

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Mother’s Day Gift Ideas for the Rookie Mom in Your Life

Posted on May 12, 2012 by Erica

Mother’s Day is a special day celebrated all around the world and it is even an extra special day for a brand new mom who has just given birth to her first child. The new mom is celebrating the start of a wonderful journey where new and cherished memories will be created for the first time. This first Mother’s day celebrates the uniqueness of having a new small being as part of life and the simple pleasures like late night feeding and bonding sessions with the new baby.

In celebration of this Mother’s Day, The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms have put together some ideas on unique gifts for the new Moms on their first Mother’s Day.

Of course there are the traditional and sentimental gifts like the new babies photo in a beautiful picture frame or a pewter case with velvet lining to house the babies first lock of hair. These types of gifts are very thoughtful and welcomed but let’s think outside the traditional and review some other unique gifts that a brand new mom might like and enjoy…..

1) Sashay Satchel Diaper Bag by Petunia Pickle that a new mom can wear out for a nice dinner. It’s chic AND functional.

2) Spa Diva “Bringing the Spa to You” This company will bring the spa experience to new mothers in the comfort of their own home. New moms don’t have to worry about finding babysitters or worry if they are still breastfeeding ever hour on the hour…..they can still be pampered on their big day right in their own living room! She will even host a “spa retreat” for a number of new mommies at once….that way you can relax and catch up with your mommy friends all in the comfort of your own home.

3) Links of London Sweetie Charm Bracelet (available in Canada at Holt Renfrew). Moms can choose from many charms for the occasion, including sterling silver soother, pink enamel bunny, perhaps baby and mom’s initials….they are super cute.

4) Clinique All About Eyes Roller Ball. Moms can put it in the fridge then roll over eyes to help de puff when unexpected guests arrive to see the new baby!

5) Revive Eye Mask. Moms can sleep with it on. Easy because they can put it on and forget about it. Heck every mom needs this….not just the new ones.

6) Maid Service for a month (or two or three).  As a new mom your focus should be on the baby….not the mounting pile of laundry sitting in the laundry room. Why not provide mom some help for a month or two while she’s figuring out her new little one….let someone else do the “dirty work”….so to speak.

7) And of course a copy of our book ;-)  Essential for every and all brand new moms working through the first year of being a Rookie Mom.

Now, of course we are absolutely not discounting the power of a beautiful bouquet of flowers or yummy box of Belgian Chocolates but creativity and going the extra mile can really make the day all that more special. So be brave and add a little pizzazz. Whether you are dad, partner, grandparent or relative think about making this Mother’s day one to remember forever for the new Mom in your life.

Happy Mother’s Day!!!!

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Bad Mommy

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Guests

Welcome mom and author Willow Yamauchi as this week’s guest blogger

I’ve done something really Bad. I’ve blown the whistle on Motherhood. I’ve blown the whistle on Good Mommy. You know that thing, where we all pretend to love being mommies – that being a Mommy is so amazing and perfect and that we are great at it…you know, that thing? I know you know that thing. I call bull sh*t.

Like you, I was brought up in the cult of Mommy. When I was a little girl, I knew I would grow up to be a Mommy, a Good Mommy! I would wear matching Mommy daughter outfits with my children! We would do crafts-at home, with seashells we gathered on our lazy days at the beach. We would speak multiple languages, and my children would not only play an instrument, but would excel at sports, and volunteer in the community. All of this because I-their Mommy, their Good Mommy, had shown them the way. This was my plan.

The reality could not have been further from the truth. Every step of the Mommy path-pitfalls and land mines. Every milestone, a millstone-around my neck. Despite a strong desire to fit in with the mainstream and to be Good (always Good), I found that I was coming up short in all ways: from weight gain in pregnancy, to lactation, to where the baby slept (or didn’t).

I initially looked to my Mommy comrades for solace-if anyone would understand my failure it would be them, right? But the Mommies at Mommy and Baby Group all professed great joy and happiness in their lives as Mommy. Their children were nursing well, gaining the proper weight, everyone slept through the night, everyone was managing. Everyone except me.

In desperation I went to my wise grandmother for advice. I asked her why the other Mommies were all doing so well and I was not. The advice she gave me was so critical-so pivotal that I am compelled to share it.

This is what she said:

“Those Mommies are lying. All women lie. They lie all the time. They lie because they have to.”

I was shocked! I was horrified. I was thrilled. You mean it wasn’t just me failing and struggling? I wasn’t the only one? So I started to look for this truth. I started to look for cracks in the Good Mommy facade, and I didn’t have to look hard. One just had to wait a little, a few minutes after baby group disbanded, or better yet- later at night over a cocktail-that’s when the Good Mommies went to sleep, and the Bad Mommies came out to play.

The nighttime confessions of my Mommy comrades were hair raising. They too were struggling, depressed, disheartened, angry, really, really angry. This complete disconnect between what the Mommies were saying during the day-and what they were confessing-at night showed me that without question, Grandma had it right.

These women were lying. All women lie. They lie all the time. They lie because they have to.

And why do they have to? Why do we have to lie? It’s because it’s a set up. We are lead to believe from infancy, that this Good Mommy thing is not only attainable, but completely reasonable and patently desirable. When we discover that it is not any of these things, our only choice is to pretend, to make believe, to tell ourselves and each other that we are making it work, that we are being Good. Alas, deep down we actually know the truth, and we stuff it deeper down-during the day.

And I guess that’s why I did it. This Bad thing. Blowing the whistle on Motherhood. Calling bull sh*t on Good Mommy. It’s because I don’t want to feel alone anymore. I want to put aside these pretenses and get real with each other and with ourselves-not just at night over cocktails, but during the day too.

We can’t be that Good Mommy thing-so let it go. We can be fabulous, creative, passionate, fun, caring, loving-and also terrible, mean, spiteful, tired, cranky and narcissistic. This is our truth, and you know what they say about the truth, right? It shall set you free.

So stand up proud and say this truth, say it with me, “I am a Bad Mommy, and I am proud.”

Willow Yamauchi

Willow Yamauchi is a Vancouver-based writer and artist. A self proclaimed Bad Mommy, Willow believes women need to stop lying to themselves and to others about the Mommy experience-only the truth shall set us free. Willow parents two children with her husband, Ron. Despite everything, they appear to have survived most of their childhood. Bad Mommy is her second book.

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